March 04, 2012

To My Readers

Laurie does not read my blog but others do and have misread statements and made assumptions and then caused worry and potentially some unneccessary hurt for Laurie by mentioning some posts to her.  I don't care who it was or why, I know you had good intentions but believe me, so do I.  I have no idea what posts have been taken out of context or blown out of proportion but apparently word has gotten back to Laurie and the word has been that I'm unhappy in some way with her.


So I have gone back over some of my posts to see if perhaps my wording may have made my thoughts sound different than I meant.  I have been frustrated of late because of my work schedule, life, some riding technique issues and wanting my own horse but deciding to pay for a Cancun vacation with family (choices....) but Laurie has been nothing but understanding and pateient with me, one good example is the big mistake I made thinking I was ready to lease the young Pstar.  My blog is not a blog where you need to read between the lines, I'm pretty upfront or try to be and perhaps I didn't proffread very well but here are my best guesses at to what may have upset some people....

Is it upsetting that I was open about being frustrated with schedules?  I'm frustrated that Laurie and I's schedules aren't meshing with each others so it's harder to get out for riding lessons.  I stated numerous times that I know it's not her fault.  My schedule changed and hers did too...that's life, I just need to figure out ways to get more riding in (including taking an occassional lesson somewhere else)  When Laurie has had an opening she's sent me an email letting me know.  Sometimes I can make it sometimes I can't.  It's still frustrating even when it's no ones fault, its just a part of life getting really busy!  I'm hoping when I have my own horse, even before I have a trailer, that I can continue to work with Laurie, paying extra or what ever to have her come to my boarding facility for lessons.  I love her style of teaching.

The bathroom comment I made during my Vantage Point farm post, was that upsetting?  I'm referring to potential boarding stables where I could show up at 7am or 8pm and want to ride my horse and have to use the bathroom facilities.  One ranch I looked at the gal stated her house was always open even if she wasn't home and I would end up having to trapse through her kitchen and dinning room to use a bathroom.  How odd would that be to barge in when they were having family dinner or breakfast?  I did not feel comfortable with that idea nor the idea of going into the house when no one was's a liability thing for me.

Lauries house and bathroom is different because she knows I'm there for a lesson and I can run and use the restroom and it's not barging in on a family having dinner who had no idea I was there!  It's not like  her family doesn't know I'm there for a lesson.  It still feels like I'm inconveniencing others, that's my issue though.  I'm the person who hates carpooling and having to ask the driver for a pit stop because I have to "go" yet again. I've always had a small bladder I guess and I try to drink a lot of water so my urination schedule is always well known to people....I wish it wasn't but that's my issue.  It's my insecurity not anyone elses.  But it feeds into my criteria for what I want in a boarding stable...complete convenience where I don't have to bug anyone, and I feel I would at Jennifers farm

It kind of goes along the lines why I bought my own tack for Willy.  I felt like I was a bother having to always track down Susan to get into the tack room to ride Willy.  I wanted to be completely independent and therefore I took care of it by buying my tack.  It's just a me thing that's all and I think the statement was read but not understood (particularly the reference to Jennifers boarding farm post which I have no posted that link on the Vantage Point farm post) and people just ran with it and made their own assumptions....and worried Laurie in the process.

The horse canter and longeline?  Is that something that people thought I was upset at Laurie for?  No...just me trying to figure out my own psychology and "talking outloud" on my blog to figure out what might be the best way to conquer my fear.  Should it be on a longeline or does that make me feel totally out of control?  Should I ride in a western saddle since I don't have to reach so far for security grips?   Do I feel like I'm not as trusting of Divine as I want to be?  These are just thoughts trying to figure out my fears so I can get over this hurdle.

I have no idea what posts made people think it necessary to worry Laurie over instead of getting clarification from me or just staying out of it.  I like Laurie as a riding instructor.  Her stable is too far out for me to consider boarding my horse there, just if anyone was curious why I haven't mentioned boarding a horse with her!  I'm frustrated with my schedule and hers, who wouldn't be, and the inconsistent times I can come ride but am I mad at her for having a life?  Am I upset that she can't bend over backwards and give me a lesson when ever I want?  No of course not!  I miss my friday mornings because it was so conventient.  But life changes and we just have to keep trying to find the times that work for both of us.  I'm throwing in a wrench this week since I leave to head up for Denver on Thursday for the horse expo, so even fewer chances to ride but at least I made it out Saturday and had a great to come soon! 

Anyhow I just wanted to post some things to clarify any misconceptions people had about what I'm saying.  Please feel free to contact me if what I said doesn't make sense and please don't try and read between the lines...there's nothing there!  Happy trails to you all!

No comments: