I lost my beautiful mare Daenerys on July 26th. It’s a shock still to even think those word. I keep hoping to hear her soft nickers greeting me every morning and every evening. I keep expecting her to "put Seamus in his place" when he got too pushy. The barn is quiet even with two geldings to feed. I think they feel just as lost without her as I do.
I know there will be posts to come with memories and thoughts, but here is what happened, very unexpectedly.
Steve and I were in Raleigh starting Wednesday for Galaxycon
and had our pet sitter taking care of the animals as usual. Dani has been doing really well, lost some
weight from being on the track system through early spring until the spring grass took over and I
had to keep her and Seamus in the wormhole area since she’s a continued
laminitis risk. Chance has been doing
well too, keeping weight on. Dani
developed a cough this spring, vets said it was allergies and nothing had
really been helping her but her cough was occasional, and she did not have the heavy breathing like Chance and the heaves he has been dealing with the past couple years.
As the weather got hotter we’d been worried about keeping all the horses
cool. I'd been hosing them off when needed and
keeping up with the skin issues from the constant sweating. Considering the weather we'd all been coping really well.
Chance received a terrible shave job by us, but that helped
a lot with his sweating and seems to keep him cooler despite looking like he
was attacked by Edward Scissorhands.
Chance and Dani both have cushings, but he’s the one that has the long
coat symptoms. So going into this
weekend being away I didn’t have many worries about the ponies.
Fresh water, good hay, fans in the barn…all the things to keep them cool
and happy.
I received a call Saturday morning from my petsitter. Dani was down and not wanting to get up. There was a lot less manure on the ground as
well. I told Kris to call the vet and I
would be on my way from Raleigh. It’s a 50-minute
drive. I’d checked my cameras late the
previous night while at the Con in Raleigh I'm that owner that has barn cams to check on horses even when there are pet sitters.
One had a spider web over it so I didn’t see much. The barn cam didn’t show much either but
generally the ponies sleep on the slope just past the barn view cam. I didn't really worry since Kris had checked them that evening to feed and all was well. I had the pictures of each horse since she's awesome, being a horse owner herself she totally gets it! Even in the morning, at 7am when I woke up in
bed, I ran through my cameras to check on the ponies and didn’t see
anything to worry about….then I got the call.
I drove home….that was a long drive but thankfully little
traffic for a Saturday morning leaving the “big” city for my little hamlet of
Bahama, NC. I’ve had this type of call
but the concern had always been Chance, my frail boy that I constantly worry
about. The last time the vet and my
farrier saw Dani they were saying she was looking really good (just a few days ago
for her recent pedicure even). I held onto hope, maybe we caught it early and it
would work itself out.
I headed back to the barn when I arrived to find the vet and
my petsitter. Dani was still lying down
in pain, breathing heavily and grunting.
She moved slightly to get up when she heard me but could not and lay
back down. The prognosis was not
good. Her lactate was really high and from
palpation the vet said she suspected strangulating lipomas. Pain meds and other
treatments had little effect. I had to
research strangulating lipomas later that day but learned the "event" can happen quickly
and there’s really no warning sign that there is a fatty tumor until a colic occurs. The small intestine slips through a gap in the
tumor that older horses develop and when the intestines are moving food, they
can then become entangled and unable to move back to proper position. The lactate being at 10 meant there was
probably a good section cut off and potentially necrotic tissue.
Oh Dani, my dear girl.
I stroked her neck and talked to her about how wonderful a girl she was
and how much I loved her. The only
solution was surgery but the prognosis for that was not good either, she was in
so much pain I don’t think she would have made it even if I’d wanted to go that
route. The recovery from any colic surgery is sketchy, she’s 26 and a laminitis
risk post surgery. I was up against a wall in a horrible nightmare with my sweet Daenerys in pain. I didn't feel like I had an option to wait and see. What a horrible place to be in but I
needed to be there for her and made the decision to let her go and end her
pain.
I kneeled beside her while the vet met preparations and arrangements for Dani's remains. I stroked Dani's soft neck and thanked her being my mare, my first horse, my dream horse come true and told her how blessed I was to have the honor to love and care for her. I hoped that if there is a continued existence, that she would be grazing green pastures again soon. I told her how she gave me the confidence to continue riding after I’d had so many falls right before I met her. I instantly felt safe with her, she was a kind, soulful mare and our connection was immediate. Nestling my face into her mane was one of the greatest joys I have ever experienced. I loved riding her, she was brave and solid. She was golden. After her laminitis recovery, riding was less and less, but going out to love on her and groom her was a delight for both of us. Going out just to be with her was all I needed. The vet returned and we gave her the mercy of peace. As Dani slowly slipped away, I stroked her neck and told her I loved her. Her pain was over.
She is the most beautiful horse I have ever seen. Her coat was a copper penny that shone warmly in the sun and sparkled like there was a light from within. Everyday, I would feed the horses and love on each one but I could not help myself but admire her and feel awed that I was so fortunate to have her in my life. Her fine-featured face, soft eyes, unruly mane and tail, the cute white strip on her face that stopped short of her velvet gray muzzle. I loved her three little socks and one solid leg and the left hind leg "parti hoof"; half white and half dark, the white sock on that leg having little dots of chestnut in it like the sock couldn’t make up its mind what color it should be. She was my little red mare so full of sass and love and with the best nuzzling muzzle I've ever known, always gently looking for treats (though sometimes not so gently!) and when I found that itchy spot her muzzle would often try to groom me back, I was in her herd. I always laughed at the unashamed face she made when I cleaned her itchy udder pure ecstasy! I would enjoy going out to the field or barn and rest my arms and head on her back, breathing in her scent and enjoying a sunset lit evening while she munched hay quietly feeling the breeze wisp pieces of her mane across my arm.
She is going to be missed. I am heartbroken and devastated. She was the reason for this blog before I'd ever even met her. She was the lifelong dream realized. She was the hope of a little girls begging question "Can I have a pony?" She was the resounding answer, "YES!"
The barn, now with only two geldings, feels empty with her sudden disappearance. I love you Daenerys, my Dani girl, my pony
butt. I hope you know how much I loved
you. I tried to give you the best care I could through all our years
together. You are my pony. You will never be forgotten and the dream of you will stay alive because you touched my heart so profoundly....I will never be the same.
