How Seamus Said Goodbye to Dani

This is hopefully the last really sad post about Dani's passing.  I just had to post about how emotional and sentient horses are.  Seamus's reaction to Dani's passing is much like my own and I believe he and I mourn together in our different ways.  Two species, sharing the pain together.  I'm so fortunate that I have another horse who I have a great bond with in Seamus.  Its not the same as I had with Dani and since she was my first horse, there is also that aspect.  None the less, Seamus is helping me heal. His goodbye and reaction to her being gone really spoke to me.  Horses are amazing creatures.

Dani passed and there were several hours before her remains would be picked up.  Sadly, another horse an hour away had passed and the company that we were working with had to finish up that pick up before they could come to our place.  It felt like forever. My pet sitter had helped me put up a tent to shade Dani since the heat index was over 105. I stayed inside most of the time while waiting but didn't know what to do myself. I put the TV on to have sound. I have no idea what happened in any shows I watched.  I cried a lot that's for sure.

After Dani's passing, I wanted the boys to see her, Seamus had been watching on the other side of the fence when the vet was there and I'm positive was by her side during the early stages of the colic during the night, so he knew something was going on and it wasn't good.  I let him into the barnyard to say goodbye to her.  He kept trying to put his nose on her like he always did, like a security blanket or a teddy bear to snuggle.  He pawed at the ground some, he sniffed again.  Chance began to approach but then stood stock still staring at Dani.  

I moved away from the boys and mucked the stalls, Dani's stall, the one she usually stood in during hot days to stay under the fans, was a mess. Manure was trampled everywhere. I silently worked on the barn cleaning tasks while the boys could absorb what had transpired.  Chance eventually nibbled on some grass in the barnyard and glanced at Dani a couple times.  He eventually left the area having not closely approached Dani's remains; I get it old man.  Seamus later followed suit and walked out of the barnyard.  I took that as a cue to let them into the other field for the afternoon.  It would make it easier to have them out of the barnyard when the pick-up arrived. Horses sometimes don't pass on in the easiest location and often there isn't a choice.  The company knew what they were doing at least.  I won't go into detail once they arrived and were shown where Dani lay, I retreated inside. I didn't need to be there for that.

  

After the truck and trailer had left, I brought the horses back into the barnyard while I prepped the boys evening feeding; I watched Seamus.  Seamus followed the path Dani's body had been moved on the "sled", inch by inch, from the gate where the trailer had parked, back up to the area she had lain in her last moments. 

He pawed at dirt and sniffed and pawed some more.  He was processing.  He knew she was gone.  He came over to me and pushed his soft nose into my hands.  I stroked his nose and neck, "I know sweet boy, she's gone.  I know..." 

The days that have passed since then have been hard.  The first week back to work, I had to take a couple days off and then work from home some....I wasn't very productive in any sense of that word.  My closest co-workers hugged me while I cried; they have my back.  This has been a hard year.  We lost Armani our 17 year old cat in May. The heart ache doesn't get easier but I would never make the choice of not knowing these wonderful souls.  

Seamus helps me each day, I have cried pretty much every feeding time.  Missing her nickers and her soft muzzle, her mane decorated in mud or hay bits. Seamus is there with his soft muzzle to comfort me.  Chance is there with his as well.  Having these beautiful souls to care for is comforting as I mourn my mare.  She's gone but will never be forgotten.