Heartbreak in a little Box

Dani's mane...

and Dani's tail...

The physical remains of this beautiful creature I called friend arrived today. I cried.

They were cleaned of the mud and muck and hay that had matted them in Dani's last hours as she rolled in pain.  The hair is probably cleaner than they have been most of her life.  I loved to groom her and bathe her (when she tolerated it!) but that mare loved the dirt. Any clean part of her body would very shortly be dusted with sand or silt, and then a full body shake with a grunt showed me Dani was very satisfied "ruining" my work.  That was my girl. That's horses in general if we are honest, but some more than others!

I loved stroking her mane on a calm evening and listening to her munch on hay. Holding the cuts of mane in my hand without my mare feels so alien and so final.  

I miss her so much.  Her presence is VERY absent at the barn, the quiet is deafening. Sure, Seamus says hi, trying to reach his muzzle out to place it on my arm but he's not Dani.  I love him though; we are both grieving. I'm sure Chance feels the change, but he hadn't been around Dani as much the past few years as he's needed more food and grass to keep him from losing weight so management had kept them away from each other for a lot of time.

Not long after Dani entered into my life, I had trimmed a piece of her tail to have it made into a bracelet.  It was from the underside of her tail and pretty dark; it's very pretty and I've love it.  With her shiny chestnut mane though I think I need another bracelet that truly shows how gorgeous this little red headed mare was.

I'm still teetering between denial and bargaining (or better known as coulda, woulda, shoulda, and what if...) in the grief stages.  I can't believe she's gone.  In an instant, with no warning, I'm still questioning if there was anything I could have or should have done.  I see her halter, I touch it.  I now have her mane and tail, I touch those.  It's not pony butt, it's not Dani. She's gone.

I am very fortunate to have Seamus in my life.  I can cry and hug him; I can bury my face in his mane.  He seems to understand the grief; he seems to have felt it too. We are both lost without our mare.

No horse should go across the rainbow bridge with their tail.  And Dani was the best pony this horse crazy girl could ever have dreamed up.  I will cherish her forever.

The Best Horses in Heaven, They Have No Tail

by Miska Carlberg Paget

The best horses in Heaven

they have no tail.

This is a rule they all know

without fail.

For when a new horse arrives

with a short cut bob,

they all know that this horse

did a very good job.

His owner could not bear

to part with her friend

so she saved his tail,

wrapped in ribbons

and in braids,

to hold with his memory

in a very loving way.

To enter Heaven

without a tail

is an honor,

a message,

that without fail

announces to everyone,

far and wide

that this horse

was more than a wonderful ride.

But

this horse was loved and cherished by one

and when his time serving on this Earth was done

he left behind

a broken heart

and a soul

from which he never will part.